First Three Months of Motherhood: The highs & the lows

So, it has been three months that my darling baby girl arrived. So much has changed, yet it feels like she was here with me all these past years. She was not stranger to me when I first held her in my arms. It was like I knew her face ever since; the feel of her skin was familiar, her new baby smell was not new to me.

Although, I am not going to lie that I was very overwhelmed at first. So many things were going on when she came to this world. I was recovering from spinal block. People were calling. Doctor was explaining what I went through. In all this chaos, I lost those precious moments of our first meeting. I don’t even remember who handed me my baby. I hold her for few seconds and then there she goes. But yes I remember when I saw her. She was so calm but wide awake. I felt she knew me. She was very comfortable in my arms. I was on a roller coaster of emotions and I wanted time to stop for a while. If you want to meet her then read my post where she introduced herself to the world.

Being a first time mum, I was oblivious and thought, that was it – when I go home, it would be just me and her. Throughout pregnancy I was preparing myself for this day thinking, how hard it could be taking care of few inches long little person, changing few nappies and feeding her for few times a day? Then it will be all kisses and cuddles.

I did not have a slightest idea that I was embarking on a journey where for few months I would lose the sense of day and night too. Sure she is precious little thing and my body fills with sudden rush of love time to time because she is cute as a button. But all the knowledge, tips and tricks I learnt before delivery went straight out of the window. And I was left alone to tackle a tiny little pumpkin pie kind of beast without any weapon to fight day in, day out.

She cracked me in first week when I realised that a new born needed about 8 to 10 nappy changes per day. And a new born needs to be fed every two hours. Every two hours do not mean if I start feeding baby at 12 and finish it around 12:45, I will feed her then at 2:45. Noooooooooo..... It will be 2 o’ clock AGAIN. I decided to BF (breast feeding) my baby girl but it sucks the life out of me. Can I share a secret? If you are BF and feel like a cow at some point, do your best “mooooo” impression and you are sorted.

Who said this “when baby is asleep, mum shall go to sleep too”. I demand to bring me that person. Because, as perfect as it sounds; in reality it is not possible whatsoever. When baby is sleeping you get your life together. And I don’t mean long relaxing bath or go for a night out. I mean, brush your teeth, take a shower if you are lucky, trim nails or trim baby’s nails because while awake, it’s like a battle to be won. Exploding nappies, silent reflux, endless burping and sleepless night, messy hair, spending all day in PJs are the highlights of first few weeks.

Babies are messy!

After a month I got hang of things. I started to know my baby girl more. There was a routine building up. It was like second trimester of pregnancy, a honeymoon period. But it had to pass. Although she cried once for whole night and I cried along. I cried too when she had her first vaccine jab.

Babies have different cry for every need!

Third month came with all new challenges. There were days where I wanted to quit. There were “What have we done?” moments too. I washed my face with hand wash once because baby was crying and apparently it was too damn difficult to pump face wash out of bottle standing right next to face wash. I almost had a panic attack. When three months old baby wants something, it must be provided there and then. I also became aware of all my bones and every muscle in my body due to constant pain and aches from endless hours of rocking, holding and feeding baby. Giving birth is easy; it’s the later part which is painful since there is no epidural for that.

Babies are bossy!

But does it worth it? YES!!!

One adorable smile from my baby girl and I am smitten. I am all charged up to do the routine again next day. I remember one night sitting besides my baby and crying because I couldn’t feed her more due to my back pain. But then watching that little munchkin lying beside me and fully depended on me, I couldn’t do that to her. I had to pick up myself, dust and start over. Because that’s what mothers do.

Motherhood is not all these exhausting things. It is a wonderful feeling. I suddenly felt completed. Looking at her being all cute and charming and realising I made her, makes me so proud of myself. She is very awake and happy baby in general. Her giggles – the most beautiful sound on earth – make my job a little less stressful and help me to push my limits. It is her way of telling me “I got your back mummy”. She made me to see the world with baby’s eyes and let me tell you, it is beautiful and full of surprises.